


Lost Letters, Lost Lovers

by ceedoesntdomuch



Series: Lost Series [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Multi, So obviously, alecs dead, and magnus falls into a major depression, and the most recent one tells him that alec is still alive, its fantastic, like hes the mother hen instead of alec, magnus has to go one a quest to find him, theres a lot of emotional jace in this by the way, until one day when cleaning out alecs things he finds a box of letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:31:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9411455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceedoesntdomuch/pseuds/ceedoesntdomuch
Summary: When Alec dies, taking a sword to the heart for Magnus, he falls into a major depression. Until one day he invites everyone over to go through Alec's things to help him move on. But what Magnus finds doesn't help him move on in the slightest. He finds a box containing hundreds of letters to him, all from Alec. He'd written a letter to him every day since the day they met. And the most recent one, set on the day before he dies tells Magnus everything. Most importantly though, that Alec's still alive. Now Magnus sets out to find his lost love, and bring him home.





	1. Lost Lovers, Lost Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first fanfic, and honestly, I'm still not very sure about it. I feel like it's good, but doesn't everyone feel good about their own work before someone else reads it?  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter one of, "Lost Letters, Lost Lovers"

I push the tall man off me and stun him with a wave of my hand, he falls to the ground below.  
“Magnus! Look out!”  
I turned to see Alec, my Alec, jump in front of me, taking a blade that was aimed for me right through the heart.  
I screamed his name, and the world came to rest in slow motion. I could see every strand of his hair fly through the wind as he fell to the ground. I could see the way the blood slowly began to dribble out of his mouth as he struck the pieces of gravel that laid below in the alleyway.  
I dropped to my knees and pulled Alec into my lap, cradling his head in my arms, instantly using my magic to try to heal him as much as I could. I felt his power weakening, and I heard the cries of Lydia and Izzy behind me, continuing to fight the men that had attacked us.  
Valentine was defeated months ago, and now the remaining Circle members were slowly dwindling and turning themselves in. But there was a small pocket on the edge of the city that remained for Valentine’s cause. And when they saw a Warlock and a Shadowhunter walking down Broadway holding hands, I guess you can say they didn’t like that very much, so they attacked us. In broad daylight, I might add. The nerve of some people.  
I started feeling dizzy and I knew that I couldn’t use my magic like this much longer. I looked up, beginning to ask for Izzy, only to see that she and Lydia had vanished.  
I looked up and down the alleyway that we had been pushed into, and saw the men that attacked us guarding the stone archway out back into the streets.  
I laid Alec lightly onto the gravel road and stood, wobbling slightly due to my lack of strength.  
The men smiled at us, “Looks like we killed your lover boy, didn’t we? You Downworlder scum.” One of them laughed, taking slow steps forward, and the other one followed.  
I mustered up as much a courage as I could, and looked the first man in the eyes, “ My name is Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn. That man you stabbed was my boyfriend, Alec Lightwood, Head of the New York Conclave, and the two women were Izzy Lightwood and Lydia Branwell, also members of the Conclave. You attacking us will not go unnoticed, we will be looked for. Alec’s brother and parabatai will stop at nothing to find him, I can promise you that.”  
The men looked at me and started laughing. A low, intimidating rumble, that built into a loud, overly exaggerated roar.  
I stared at them in absolute shock and began taking steps backward towards where Alec was lying.  
I turned to kneel back next to him, only to find that the body of my boyfriend was gone. I began to panic, for obvious reasons.  
“Where is he?! What have you done?” I looked around the alleyway only to find that the men were gone and there was no longer an archway leading back into the busy roads. “Alec? Alec!”  
“Magnus!”  
I sit straight up in bed, looking around my dark apartment. I frown, looking at the boxes stacked in various corners around the large room, but am shook to my senses when I feel an arm on my shoulder shaking me.  
I turned to see the face that I had been searching for.  
“Alec…” But even as the word left my mouth, the face changed and turned to Jace.  
I screamed slightly and quickly shuffled backward.  
“Jace, I don’t understand, why are you here? Where’s Alec?” I asked, looking to the side table on Alec’s side of the bed, seeing that his watch and phone were absent.  
“Magnus, buddy, you’re tired, I understand, but you know where Alec is.”  
I looked at him, looked into his sad golden eyes, “He’s really gone…?”  
“Mags, you’ve been having those nightmares for months, maybe you should see someone about them? I know you said that I should stop suggesting it, but I think that it would do you some good,” Clary said, joining me and Jace in the dark room.  
I looked at the two of them in jealousy. Jace and Clary were set to be married in 3 weeks, and no one could see a reason why not. After all that had happened, they stuck together. Clary was there during the first few months that Alec was gone, since losing a parabatai was so difficult, and I truly believed that she was the only reason that he was still going.  
I sighed and stood from my bed, walking out onto the balcony and looking out into the city. The lights had been one of Alec’s favorite things to look at when he had moved in. He and Chairman would sit out here for hours and just watch the sky and the building lights, listen to the chatter of the street life, and ask me time and time again if this was how a normal person in love got to live.  
Now, I sat in his chair and watched as Chairman came out from under the covers of the mattress and join me, walking cautiously to my leg and walking around it once before realizing that I wasn’t his Alec and going back under the covers.  
I felt a tear roll down my cheek before I even really knew that I was crying. I heard Clary’s soft footsteps as she joined me on the balcony. She pulled up a chair next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder.  
Clary and I had become close over these last few months, and I, like Jace, probably wouldn’t have made it without her. She had found me, more times then I would like to admit, on the floor of my bathroom, drunk as a skunk and passed out. She had helped me out of a quickly forming drinking habit and kept me grounded as I got used to the love of my life being gone.  
I sat listening to the streets blaring their mellow tune of life and thought once again of the day Alec passed. The men laughing at me, Alec’s body being gone, and them taking me from the spot we had fought. I raised my hand to my other bare shoulder and felt the scars that had been left from the weeks that I was trapped in the dark basement of the remaining Circle members lair. I flinched as I moved my hands to my wrists and felt the indentions from the long hours I was pushed around in shackles, how they would chain me to the ceiling and whip me for hours, or how they would strap me to a table and insert me with different Downworlder blood to see how long it took me to start squirming.  
Clary moved and linking her hand in mine. I smiled at her and heard Jace leave the room, closing the door behind him.  
Clary sighed and whispered ever so quietly, “I miss Simon.”  
I knew that Clary had a lot on her plate as well, yet she still took so much time helping us instead of solving her problems. Simon had disappeared about three weeks back. No note, no signs of him wanting to leave before that, and no real motive as to why he would leave. Even Raphael was stumped, not to mention heartbroken. Raphael had finally brought down his bad boy façade and asked Simon out about two months ago. And not four weeks after they became official, Simon was gone. Camille was no help, and wouldn’t even let Raphael talk her into considering to help track him. It had been all together probably the worst year for any of us, but we were “muddling through” as the mundanes said.  
I squeezed her hand a whispered back, “I know, darling. I know.” I didn’t have any other words to say, and to be honest, no more needed to be said.  
She and I just sat there. It was nice, to sit in Alec’s chair, doing what he loved to do most.  
But sadly all nice things must come to an end.  
Jace opened the door and poked his head in, “I just got off the phone with Izzy. She said that she and Lydia would be here in about a half hour to help go through Alec’s things.”  
“Thanks, babe,” Clary said, releasing her hand from mine and standing up to stretch out.  
I stayed seated, looking out at the sun that was slowly rising from behind a building a few blocks over. It was a striking red today, one that would make certain people worry, but I just smiled at it. Red sunrises were Alec’s favorite. He said they made him think of a big cherry in the sky.  
I turned back to face the room and saw that Jace and Clary had left the room. Alec and I had invited them to move in with us after Valentine was defeated. Staying at the institute just didn’t feel right anymore. And when Alec and Izzy’s parents and little brother were killed, it felt like all the more reason to get out of the large place they had once called home. Izzy had moved in with Lydia, seeing as they became friends after Alec appointed them into the Conclave with him, and there wasn’t room in the apartment for her. (Even though I had offered to enchant it to be larger on the inside than it was on the outside. Clary had said it sounded like something “straight out of Harry Potter”, which no one but Simon seemed to understand.)  
I walked across the room and into the bathroom, opening the linen closet and taking out a towel. I turned back to the sink and looked at myself, before gasping in horror. I looked awful! How could I let Jace and Clary see me in such a manner?! It was unheard of! I had eyeliner running down my cheeks in black and gold glittery streaks and I had a whole forehead full of eye shadow. My hair was a mess and all that was left of yesterday's good look was the hairspray specks that were now white and flaky.  
I undressed quickly and turned on the water for a shower, it being the only good thing that I would probably get today,  
Once I was clean and presentable I went to the living room, to find Izzy, Lydia, Jace, and Clary all waiting for me. I smiled slightly and Clary coughed to break the obvious tension, “There’s food for you on the stove, eggs and cinnamon rolls. Your favorite.” She smiled.  
I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a plate from the cupboard over the sink, before walking over to the stove and sliding the eggs from the pan and the cinnamon rolls from the oven onto my plate.  
I walked back into the living room and sat in Alec’s chair. It was right in front of the window, so you could see all the way down the street without even craning your neck. (I had tried to tell him it was an impractical place and messed with the rooms Feng Shui, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He said there was something about being able to see people live their lives without being in fear that the evil father of his best friend’s girlfriend wasn’t trying to kill them.)  
I looked away from the window and saw four sets of eyes on me, and I immediately felt my face heat slightly.  
“Look, I know I’m simply gorgeous, but I could do without the massive amounts of staring going on right now,” I said, placing my now empty plate onto the coffee table in front of me.  
“Sorry Mags, we’re just worried about you. Jace told us you had the nightmare again,” Izzy states kindly.  
I turn to Jace who decides to take some sudden serious interest in the plant next to him. A vase of lilies Alec got me after our first fight. I simply set a spell that they would never grow old and dwindle, and Alec said they would be like our love.  
Oh, how things change so fast.  
“Look it doesn’t matter? If you all want me to see someone so badly, I’ll think about it again. But for the time being, the answer is a no. Now, on to today's activity.” I said, standing and taking my dish to the dishwasher.  
“Are you sure you want to do this Mags? I mean, you haven’t touched any of his stuff since he…you know. Are you sure you’re ready?” Jace says, walking forward and wrapping an arm around Clary’s waist.  
I flinched slightly at the question and slightly at the sweet gesture that had just unfolded before me.  
“Yes, I’m ready. I need to do this. There’s no hope of me moving on if I don’t.” I said, feeling the hole in my heart grow the slightest bit at the thought of me moving on past Alec.”  
“Mags is right, this should be good for all of us,” Clary says, stepping out of Jace’s grip closer to me.  
She reaches out and grabs my left hand, and touches the ring that Alec gave me after our second date. I smiled at her as she twists it around in a circle like Alec used to do.  
“Let's go then,” Lydia says softly.  
We march single file into my bedroom and begin sorting out the boxes of Alec’s things that I had magically packed only hours after he left. I had used magic to sort everything that was his into boxes so I wouldn’t have to see it. It seemed like a good idea at the time but seeing as they were all there to sort through them now, I felt like if I had just left everything out they could have just packed what he didn’t want, or what brought back bad memories.  
I began pushing boxes towards the center of the room, and after moving a particularly large box marked “kitchen utensils” for some reason moved, I found a large ratted box that looked like it was over 10 years old.  
I picked up the small box and lightly shook it, hearing the pitter patter of things falling into a pattern as I shook.  
I placed It down on the bed and fished the knife that Alec had gotten me for my birthday out. I sliced open the box and lifted one of the flaps, to be met by the smell of ink and paper. Old paper at that, wait! I knew that smell! That was the paper I had received as a present from the Queen of England in 1936. That was a good year for English paper.  
I opened the other flap and pushed them over the side of the box. Looking into it now, I saw that It was stuffed to the brim with letters, all in envelopes and all addressed to….me?  
“Clary look at this,” I said, holding out the box to them and asking what they thought it could be.  
I picked out the first letter in the front of the box and opened the previously untouched seal.  
I lifted the letter out and checked the date. “09/06/16” This was a day before he died, and seemed to be the most recent letter.  
I opened it and began reading;  
“ _Dearest Magnus,_  
I love you, always remember that.  
And nothing I will ever say will be able to make up for the things that will unfold over the next few months. There are men that want me dead, and in order to bring me in, they intend to go through you.  
Magnus, you must understand that I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. But this has to be done. Over the next few months, I will prepare myself to leave you. If you are reading this now, I don’t mean break up with you, because even in my hour of worst need, I would never break up with you.  
I’m planning on dying, in front of you.  
I know this seems illogical, but this is the only way that I feel I can get them off my back. If you believe that I’m dead there’s no possible way that they can take you in.  
I have the attack planned already and have friends of my parents in the Circle who are posing as spies for me. They will wait for my signal and attack, killing me, and taking Lydia and Izzy with them. Leaving you alone and of no concern for the Circle anymore. They will take me to an unmarked safe house, while Izzy and Lydia will be taken to the Circle’s headquarters and be let go. They will think they’ve escaped. I haven’t told Izzy or Jace about this, and if you’re with them now, tell them I love them both.  
can't happen, so I’m doing this instead. I feel as if I’m being a coward, but everything I’m doing is for you.  
I love you so much, Magnus. I plan to give you a ring the day before the attack, so you will never forget that all this is for your safety.

_Yours,  
Alec”_

I finished reading and looked at Clary who was holding another letter, “This one has the oldest date.”  
I took the letter from her, “ _Dear Magnus,_  
I was forced out of the house tonight and to some stupid party by Izzy and the child we’ve come to obtain,” I paused and looked at Clary who was giggling. “I absolutely hate parties, and dreaded even the idea of going, until you were the one who answered the door. I had heard of Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn before obviously, but before then I had thought you were just another snobby warlock who had no care in the world except for themselves. And to be honest I was slightly right, but seeing you face to face for the first time changed my opinion in a heartbeat.  
In that moment I forgot what we were even there for, I forgot about my unreturned love for Jace, and I forgot how to breathe. I fell for you in that one tiny moment, and I didn’t realize until we were leaving, and I never wanted to say goodbye.  
And when you said to call you, I felt like my heart was on fire.  
I feel stupid even writing this, knowing that you’ll never read it, and seeing as a man like you probably flirts with everyone. But I can’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, there was something between us.  
Though, it’s probably just a lost cause.  
Hopefully one day yours,  
Alec.”  
“He wrote to you every day for two years, Magnus,” Clary said, flipping back through the letters and reading the dates.  
I was shell shocked, not so much from the letter I had just read but from the first, “That’s not even the best part,” I said, walking past her and to Izzy, handing her the letter.  
She opened the letter and read through it, tears running down her face before she turned and gave it to Jace.  
“I don’t understand, my rune, it died, how is he alive if I felt him leave?” Jace asked, putting the letter down after he finished reading it.  
That hadn’t really been the first question that I thought he would ask, but as I thought about it, it was rather odd that Jace’s rune died.  
“Is there a way to have the rune removed? Something that would give the impression that he died?” I asked, sitting down on the bed.  
This had all been too much. All I wanted to do today was go through my dead boyfriend's stuff and cry. But like I said, all good things must come to an end.  
“There’s only one way that I can think of,” Izzy said, sitting down next to me. “Alec got deruned.”  
Jace’s head shot up at the use Alec’s name and that word in the same sentence.  
“Alec? Deruned? Never!” Jace said, running his hands through his hair.  
I stood up and walked back out onto the balcony again, before turning around and speaking to the group as a whole, “Well it doesn’t matter why his rune died out, what matter is, according to this, Alec is alive. And I have to find him.”


	2. Lost Hope, Lost Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Magnus decides that he's going to find Magnus, he discovers that with a bit of magic, it shouldn't be that hard to find Alec. And when Jace's rune tracks him, he get's a bit of an unwelcome surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! It's not uploading day, yes I know. But I finished this chapter and was just so excited I had to upload it! So, here it is! Now this one may be a bit shorter than the others, but a lot more happens. Enjoy!

The room grew deathly quiet.

“I’m sorry, say that again? I must’ve heard you wrong. You’re going to find a possibly dead man?” Lydia said from behind Izzy.

Izzy turned and glared at her, slapping her shoulder slightly.

“Guys, this is it, this is just what I needed, I knew he wouldn’t have left me like that and this is my chance to find him again!” I yelled, doing a slight spin on my heels before turning back to the box of letters.

“Magnus this is crazy. You can’t leave now. If you for some reason disappear…” Clary tapered off, I knew she was talking about the mysterious missing Simon situation, but I knew this was what I had to do.

“Clary, I have to do this. The man I love faked his own death to-“ I stopped for a second realizing the words that had just left my mouth. “Hold on a fucking second! The man I love faked his death. Holy…”

At that moment my mind clicked into what was really happening. Alec faked his death. He pretended to die and made me go through months of grief when he had actually been alive this whole time? Who does that? I mean really, who does that? I looked at the rest of the silent people in the room, all with the same blank expression on their faces.

“God, what am I going to do? How am I even going to find him?” I asked, plopping back down on the bed.

Jace stepped forward, “Could we try tracking him through my rune? I mean it’s the best shot that we have at the moment. And since he might somehow be alive, maybe there’s a chance.”

“Jace is right, it’s the only solid idea that I can think of,” Izzy said, stepping forward.

I wondered how she was doing, after all this. Izzy didn’t take Alec’s death- well fake death- hard. Really she didn’t take it at all. She moved on as if she hadn’t just lost another family member. She didn’t even block any of us out like Jace did at first. She just moved on, business normal.

“I don’t know. I can surely try, but I don’t like the idea. You all saw what happened when Alec tried to trace Jace through it,” I stated, sitting up on the bed. I ran my fingers through my still slightly wet hair. Clary came and sat next to me, resting her head on my shoulder for the second time that morning.

“It doesn’t matter what we do, we just can’t rush into anything. We just found out someone close to us who we all thought had died, isn’t really dead. That’s a lot to take in. I think we all need time to clear our heads,” She said, sighing. I could feel how low her energy was. I wondered how she was holding up with all this on top of Simon being gone.

There was a small silence that fell over the five of them until Izzy’s phone started ringing. She quickly answered, stepping onto the balcony.

“Yeah…really?..why did you call me and not Clary?...I see…alright…we’ll be right there,” She stepped back in from the balcony and put her phone back into her pocket, “That was Raphael. Someone just contacted him about Simon.”

Clary’s head shot off my shoulder so fast, she hit me in the jaw. She stood straight up and started asking a million questions a second, “What? Did he say who? Why are we still here? Is he okay? Is he safe? Did he say where he was? I need to find him!”

I realized then and there how much pain Clary was really in. The way that she asked about him…I’m surprised Jace wasn’t writhing in jealousy. She talked about Simon like he was the most important thing in the world to her.

Jace stepped forward and pulled her into his arms, “Clary, we’ll find him I swear. Let’s go talk to Raphael and see what whoever contacted him said. Okay?” He asked.

She smiled up at him, and visibly relaxed, “Okay.”

I smiled at them, wishing nothing more than to have Alexander here with me.

Huh, Alexander. I haven’t referred to him as that in a long time.

“Back to the topic at hand. I need to find Alec, so if Jace can stay and Iz and Lydia take Clary to Raphael, we’ll all get something accomplished today.” I said, feeling the slightest bit irritated.

“Yeah, I’m fine with that,” Jace said, his arms still wrapped around Clary.

Clary moved slightly out of Jace’s grasp, “I was hoping that you would go with me to see Raphael.”

“Clary, please. I need to help Magnus. I’m not trying to put you on the backburner or anything, but this is Alec we’re talking about. Alec to me, is Simon to you. I _need_ him.” Jace said, and I was honestly impressed with how he handled that.

“I understand. Stay with Magnus, I’m going to go get ready.” She sighed, leaving the room with Izzy and Lydia following.

“Alright, Magnus. What first?” Jace asked, clapping his hands together and putting on a cheesy grin.

“Well, if it doesn’t sound too forward, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on my bed,” I said, with a straight face.

Jace looked at me for a split second before we both doubled over with laughter, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I had to! I needed something that would lessen the tension!” I stated through my fit of giggles.

Jace, still slightly laughing, took off his shirt and layed on the side of my bed. I walked to the headboard and looked at the space between his collarbone and his shoulder where the parabatai rune was located. It was faded more than the others, seeing as when a parabatai’s partner dies the rune glows then fades out.

I ran my fingers around it, tiny sparks of light erupting from the ends of them. Jace’s rune flashed with a bright light as if being awoken.

“Shit!” Jace swore, rising off the bed slightly. I sighed, remembering when I did the same procedure to Alec when Jace was with Valentine.

I opened my hand more, watching the light from my hand move to Jace’s skin and light up the rune more than it was before. I felt my head go slightly fuzzy and I couldn’t help but think that I shouldn’t be doing this on such low strength.

Ever since Alec died I had been working at the lowest efficiency. It was like my energy died with him and no matter how many potions, or naps I took I just couldn’t get it back. He was what kept me going.

I was snapped out of my train of thought by a long haunting scream from Jace.

His eyes glassed over and he had a terrified look on his face.

“Jace! Wake up! Jace!” I yelled, releasing him from my magic and watching his previously arched back fall into the mattress with a slight thud.

“Magnus? What’s going on?” Izzy asked, running into the room. She gasped when she saw Jace on the bed, his golden eyes still glassy and still unresponsive.

“Izzy? Why are you still here?” I asked, looking from Jace to her.

“That’s is seriously not important right now,” She said, walking towards the bed more. She reached out and took Jace’s hand into hers. “He’s cold. What happened?”

“I-” I stopped short. What was I supposed to say? ‘I fell into a trance about your possibly dead brother and used my magic on your alive brother for too long and now he’s unconscious?’

“You what?!”

Okay, maybe I said that out loud.

“How could you be that careless, Magnus? You’re the High Warlock of Brooklyn for a reason!” She scolded, dropping Jace’s hand and snapping her fingers in front of his face as if that would wake him up.

“I have something that can wake him, it’ll just take a bit to whip up,” I said, trying to reassure her.

“Fine, whatever. I have to go, just fix him!” She scolded again, leaving the room and slamming the door.

I sighed. Just me and an unconscious Herondale. Fun.

I got up and walked to the other side of the room to the cupboard I kept my potions in. There was one I was taught years ago by a Magic Man in Cambodia, that should have Jace awake within an hour after consumption.

Although it took quite a while to get together, I guess it was worth it.

I scavenged around my ingredients and made mental notes of all the things I was low on.

“I must ask Raphael for some of his hair when I have the chance,” I mumbled to myself while looking at the jar marked “Vampire Hair”.

I grabbed what was needed and walked back to the bed. I set my things on the bedside table and moved it so it was in front of my workspace.

I sighed, taking pinches of this and ounces of that, trying to remember te recipe to a T.

I smiled when a slight puff of smoke erupted from the vile in front of me. I looked at the clock, half past 2, I’d been working for over three hours.

I looked back to Jace, who was in the same state that he was in before.

I sighed once again, taking the vile and walking closer to him. I opened his lips and tilted the vile the slightest bit, so the concoction would leak into his mouth.

I watched as the shiny crystal liquid emptied into his mouth. Now I wait.

I took the vial back to the table and snapped my fingers, everything now clean and put away. Then I pushed the table back to the side of the bed and went out to sit on the balcony once more. I sat there for about 20 minutes before I heard sputtering from behind me.

I shot from my place on the balcony and went straight to Jace’s side.

“Jace? Are you okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine why?” He said, unfazed.

“You passed out. I messed up and your-“ I stopped myself when I looked up at his eyes. They were golden once again but they now had glassy crystal specks in them.

Wow, even after a spell gone wrong this boy ends up looking good.

“My what?” Jace asked, confused.

“Nothing, you’re fine now that’s all that matters,” I said, smiling. I stood from where I was seated and went to exit the room before I heard Jace speak.

“I saw him,” He said, quietly.

“What?” I asked, turning around, “You saw him? Where is he? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine from what I can tell. And the guy he was with seemed fine too…” He said, looking up at me.

“What?” I asked, feeling bile rise in my throat from just the thought of my Alexander with another man.

“I saw him, I know where he is,” Jace said, frowning.

“No no, not that part,” I said frantically, “Who was he with? Were they holding hands or something?”

Jace looked at me with so much sympathy I could feel it radiating off him, “I saw them kiss.”

I felt my heart break into a million tender pieces. Not only did the man I love fake his death to ‘save’ me,  but he didn’t even have the decency to keep his hands of another man! After all this time, I thought he was the one. That he was my knight in black leather. But I was wrong. I clenched my fists and felt something inside of me snap.

“Where was he?” I asked.

“Magnus really-”

“Where…is…he?” I growled, feeling the heat in my heart spread to my head.

“He was at a restaurant. The name of the building was ‘ _Le Meuri-_ ’”

“THAT SCUMBAG! I TOOK HIM THERE! LE MEURICE WAS OUR PLACE! THAT ASSHOLE!” I screamed, thrashing my arms quickly causing things from around the room to fly into walls.

Jace shot from the bed quickly. “Woah, woah, woah. Magnus calm down. What are you yelling about?” He asked pinning my arms to my side to keep me from throwing anything else.

“ _Le Meurice_. It’s a five-star place in Paris. I took him there for his birthday the first time, but after that, I used to portal us there all the time. He fucking took him to _our_ place.” I sobbed, leaning into Jace’s shoulder.

I could feel Jace tense up, “Why would Alec do that? I don’t understand that’s not like him. Why would he ever do something like that? He loved you, anyone with eyes could see that,” Jace said, embracing me with almost the exact same emotion that I had felt him embracing Clary with before.

I couldn’t even say anything, I just felt the tears running from my eyes onto Jace’s chest. I clawed at his arms, crying and sobbing. We stayed like this for a long while. It was really hard for me to focus on anything other than my heart quickly breaking. I finally felt myself grow weary and before I could do anything about it I fell asleep in Jace’s arms.

***

Jace, Clary, Izzy, and Lydia watched Magnus as he slept. When they returned from Raphael’s, Jace told them all that had happened. Izzy was furious over the fact that her big brother not only broke Magnus’s heart but that he also found someone else. Clary didn’t really say much, and it made sense why when Lydia told Jace what Raphael had said.

Magnus slept, and slept, and slept. And though he seemed peaceful on the outside, he was battling hell on the inside.

*Magnus’s Dream*

I ran from the Circle members chasing me. I turn the corner under a stone arch and into an alleyway off the street.

I looked around, I knew this place.

“Ha, still as stupid as ever,” I heard. That voice, by the Angel I missed that voice.

“Alexander!” I yelled, looking around for the beautiful face the voice belonged to.

“Don’t call my boyfriend that!” Another deep voice added.

“Boyfriend? I don’t understand. Alexander, I thought you loved me,” I said, tears beginning to form.

“Love? Please. Love is a contradiction, and definitely something I don’t feel for you.” He said coldly.

“He loves me, you imbecile. He left you, faked his own death so he could get away from you. You must be the most pathetic person in the world if he had to go to those lengths just to get rid of you.” The other voice sneered.

The alleyway I was in started to get dark, so dark in fact, I couldn’t see my own hand in front of my face.

I froze when I felt breath on my neck. Mint and the slight smell of aftershave. Alec’s scent.

“Alexander,” I breathed.

“What did I say about calling him that?” I heard, as a slap resonated across my face.

I spun from the impact and fell to my knees, feeling the gravel under me dig into them.

“Look at him, he’s on his knees. Just where Downworlder scum like him belongs,” I heard Alec say, before hearing a laugh come from him.

“Alec no…please,” I begged.

“Please what? I’m not going to kill you, that would be too easy. I’m going to leave you here to suffer. Every day you’ll know that I don’t love you. Every day you’ll know that I’ve found someone better. And the best one, every day, you’ll know you’re worthless.” Alec spat. I could feel him, I could feel his presence, but I hated it.

“I don’t love you.” He whispered over and over in my ear.

I hated every second of it, I hated him- no I loved him. I loved him so much.

“Alexander…” I couldn’t finish my sentence due to the large foot that kicked my abdomen. I felt all the wind leave me and I was left gasping, while the two voices laughed and laughed. 

I cried, and they laughed. I screamed, and they laughed. I tried to find a way out of the alleyway, and they laughed some more.

"Stupid ass Downworlder, they need to learn who their superiors are."

When the laughing stopped, the pain didn’t. All I could hear was the one sentence that broke me for good.

“I don’t love you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun   
> Dun   
> DUUUUUUH!  
> (I don't know why I put that, it wasn't even that dramatic.)  
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I wasn't going to write any more today, but my inbox was full of positive people  
> , so I just felt the drive to keep going!
> 
> social medias:  
> seriously.sherwood - instagram   
> therealcortchop - twitter  
> btwitscourtney - tumblr

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked reading that as much as I liked reading it. My writing schedule should be Monday's and Thursdays so hopefully, you'll get new chapters on those days.  
> I love every single person that reads these. 
> 
> My social medias:  
> seriously.sherwood - instagram  
> threalcortchop - twitter  
> btwitscourtney -tumblr


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